Monday, February 06, 2006

Tonight I ironed!

Tonight I ironed a shirt. To those who know me that is a big statement. I have always worn T-shirts and jeans and neither need ironed. But tonight I ironed two outfits. I stood up stairs and looked awkwardly at my iron and ironing board trying to figure out when they were brought into my house. I don't iron what the hell are they doing here? So there I am staring at my blouses and trying to figure out what happens next. I put iron to shirt and begin moving it back and forth. The only thing I accomplished was to wet my shirt to the point of sopping. I am hoping it will dry straight. My father irons every Sunday night and I have never seen him wring out his shirts.

So why am I toiling over blouses and skirts? Because I want Rose to be proud of me. I want to walk into her school and feel like we belong. I want her to look back at her first day of school and not shrink in horror. Of course she may do that anyhow, but one can hope! As I finish my work I began thinking of my parents and wondering did they iron their clothes the night before I began school? Did they feel just slightly ill at the thought of me going off to start a new chapter in my life? Did they worry about the shirts they picked and the lunch they packed? I worry about these things and that is why I am now hand washing a bra just so I won't look well, saggy. It's why when I was pregnant with her I didn't smoke and I didn't drink. I ate what I was supposed to and I always remembered to take my vitamins. I can't even remember my name anymore.

I love her more than life itself and I want her to feel confident and happy. I want her to love going to school. Even though I know somedays she won't want to go. I want to walk into Annesley and feel like we belong there! So I let my clothes and bra dry and tomorrow I will dress as I have never before and I will walk into kindergarten for the first/second time and I will feel confident (I hope)! We all know Rose is going to be great, I even ironed her dress too. Now we will have to see if Liam dresses appropriately.


Anonymous said...

Sweetheart - yes, I cried and had a sinking feeling for the whole day as we dropped you off to school on you and your sis's first day - I did that for 16 years - on every 1st day!! I loved the last day of school every year. When you were going into 9th grade - I cried and had that same sinking feeling for 3 years - anticipating that last day on that last year of high school and thinking about you going off to college!!! Yes, we ironed, bought great new clothes for the year, hoping it would bring a feeling of confidence to you and Sara, and ready to knock out the kid or teacher who ever said or did anything to hurt you.
That same feeling is here today as our little Moya is ready to join her classmates. I feel joyous and sad, as I did 25 years ago. Love Mom

Anonymous said...

Hi Casey!

I, too, totally feel for you. I cried buckets on Payton's first day of Kindergarten, and reading your story makes me cry again. It's amazing how lonely and earily quiet it is that day. Moya will be fine, I'm sure. But it is truly hard to let go of someone whom you've cared so deeply and sacrificed so much for. You now loose total control, but the thoughts she brings home are inspiring. Good luck on embarking on this new adventure in parenting. Love - Kim C.

Suzer said...

Casey, your post made me cry just thinking about what a wonderful mom you are. The most important thing a mother can do is put her children first, and you have so obviously done that for Moya. I'm glad she enjoyed her first day of school, soon you'll need a bigger fridge to hold all the art projects and A+ papers :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Casey,
What a great blogspot! This is a wonderful way to keep in touch when you are so far from home. Your story brought tears to my eyes. If only there was a way to slow time a bit. Just enough so that we can really watch our babies grow, take in every moment and etch it into our memories. Instead we fall asleep at night thinking "Declan said PRETTY today" or "Declan used his potty today", I should write that down somewhere. However when morning comes we are already on to new adventures like fighting diaper rash and trying to master forks and spoons.I too dread Declan's first day of school mostly because it will come to quickly.I can tell you though, that I will also be up the night before ironing my best "cool" mom outfit. My sister-in-law just told me a story about how stressed she was buying Valentines for Nicole's preschool party. Long gone are the Valentines of our days. Now you have cards with stickers, cards with magnets, even cards with glow sticks to choose from. She is worried that Nicole will not show up with the "in" cards. It is bad enough,according to Kelly, that there is already a preschool "in group" and Nicole is not "in" it. The things we have to look forward to. Oh Well! Moya looks adorable in her school uniform and she loved her first day, that's all that matters. I am glad that you are settling in over there. We will keep in touch.
Kara and Declan