Sunday, July 16, 2006
Screams of an infertile woman
This posting will not be judge negatively! Why, because I just emotionally can not take it. I have had it up to here. I am sick and tired of being infertile. Because unlike most of you dear readers I can not just pick a month, decide yes that is when I would like to be pregnant and *bam* 4 weeks later I am. No, I get to struggle 3 years and three miscarriages to get my beautiful daughter. And then I get to try 3 years later only to give my self a life threatening disease that will never go away (intercranial hypertension). I have the scar to prove it. I then wait another year only to have three infertility treatments not work. So I come to you in pure desperation. I am fed up and angry and upset and so on. I sit here thinking that Rose will never know the joy of having a sibling to love and hate. Someone to play with and gang up on and with. These thoughts bring me to tears. So on Wednesday we go back in to the waiting game that is infertility. I have an appointment with repromed an infertility clinic here in Adelaide to discuss where we go from here. We have been trying off and on now for a year with no luck and I have had it up to here with my body. Why am I not typing this to you some of you personally well because... your all pregnant or with new babies. I don't want to say anything that may upset you in anyway but I'm jealous. The green eyed monster has reared his ugly head and I am embracing it with open arms. This might sound horrible but I have tried ignoring it but it won't go away. So I am embracing my anger in hopes that I will find another way of dealing with this. Some of you may not know that it took over three years to get Rose. In the end we lost her twin and nearly lost her in was a very complicated delivery. Some of you were even at this wonderful and frustrating event. (Ps I still love you all for being there.) But for now I am at my ungrateful limit. Yes I should be happy with what I got. I have a beautiful and healthy 4 year old who is smarter then some 8 year olds. But me I want it all! I want another baby so send me your voodoo, your hoodo or whatever it is you do! I have gone off my rocker folks and I don't plan to get back on unless I get my way (DAMNIT). Yes I am 2 years old now shut up and pass the sippy cup! Please, post only complimentary comments that do not include but are not excluded to the following sentences just be patient and it will work or if you just stop thinking about it or perhaps it isn't in Gods plan, you don't want to piss off the infertile women!