Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I'm still standin...

Okay I'm actually sitting.
Lily doesn't sleep anymore. Not like she was doing a whole lot of that before but the tiny apartment has sent her over the edge. Rose does nothing but cry about everything. Everything sets her off and there is nothing I can do to stop the screaming and tears. So every night I pray that soon things will get better or at least I will get more then a few hours of sleep in a row. I think I'm doing something wrong but it beats me if I know what that is. I just feel like a failure. Yes everyone is alive but I'm not sure anyone is truelly living or are even happy. We are working as a team for the most part and I have already been grocery shopping and found a pediatrician for the girls (Rose has Strep throat). Liam goes to work and I try to fight back the tears I feel in my chest. I fear I might fall apart while he's gone. What if my patients dries up, what if I can't simply smile at yet another temper tantrum? What if I fail? So I'm sitting down here in NC trying not to fall apart praying that soon it will all come together and the years of moving and packing and adjusting will all be over. Please pray I don't just break down because it feels as if I might.

3 comments:

~Lori said...

I feel your pain! I wish I were there to give you a big hug and help out. Be easy on yourself, just decide what's truly necessary to get through it and let the rest slide for a while. Send us your new number so I can call you, ok?

Suzer said...

Awww. I wish I could help. I'm sorry Rose is sick...again. But at least you've found a doctor. Will Rose be going to school any time soon to at least give you a small respite? I second Lori, send out your phone number so I can call you. I miss talking to you on my way to and from work :( HUGS and more HUGS

Mandakini/Margaret said...

Praying for your patience and sanity. I'm pretty sure I can relate to how you're feeling. Do you have a car? It helps to be able to get out and about.

We had strep here a month ago. It's really going around this winter :0( I hope your little one gets better soon.

Margaret