Monday, December 11, 2006

Life goes on.


Moving home is the best thing that could happened for us. Then why is it that I still feel so loanly? My parents have been wonderful to us and yet I still feel the need to be on pins and needles even though its nothing they have done. I just feel I need to constently be on Rose to clean up and sit still and not move around. During the day its just Rose me and the inside baby. I have no car and the weather is weird so mostly we are stuck inside the house. I can't seem to get her to play by herself and she seems to have forgotten how to listen. I miss having my own place where if I want to leave it a mess I do. I could have people over anytime I wanted to. Here I feel like a child and I don't want to mess the place up so I don't feel like I can have people over because it isn't my house and what if they mess something up and I can't clean it up in time? Silly worries but worries all the same. I am starting in on the worse part of my illness. I have to take medication that cause me not to be able to feel my hands, feet or mouth and makes me feel weird all the time. Spinal taps are still in my future even though they aren't sure how they are going to do them since they tried 10 times last friday and it never did work. I have to much scar tissue. Then theres the matter of the growing baby who now plays all night long and loves it when I roll over. The baby is getting bigger and I seem to be slowing down. I have pregnancy symptoms and PTC symptoms. I can't seem to tell if I am coming or going anymore. I don't have an illness that you can see but trust me I am suffering. My head hurts nearly every minute and Rose does not have a mute button. I am need Liam to join us. Not that I want him to have to take over everything its just nice to have a partner who understands and has been there with me before. I need the next few months to go better then the last few.

2 comments:

JBTW said...

:( Sorry you are feeling blue. Hopefully it's just an adjustment period for both you & Rose. In the meantime, try to relax & feel better. I hope to see you soon. :) LJ

e4 said...

We think about you often. Hopefully we can get out for a visit before long.

Nothing against parents, but I think most people feel the same way about mom & dad's house - a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there...